On Obsession

So this is an unusual subject, but lately I’ve felt like there’s something wrong with me when it comes to obsession. Well, granted, I’ve felt this way for years. I guess it’s sort of a comparison problem, but whenever I’m around others and they express their love or compulsion to do/watch things, I just can’t relate. Of course, some of these things are due to differences in personal interests and tastes in media. But I even have difficulty doing the things that I love.

Initially I attributed this to my mental illness – I have major depressive disorder. Having this has caused me to have little pleasure in doing the things I love or even wanting to do something as passive as watching television. Lately I’ve been on antidepressants and that has helped some, but still it can be a struggle to do anything that seems worthwhile.

I feel out of place frequently with my peers because of my lack of wanting to binge things or buy merchandise, etc. Granted I still binge watch shows at times, but that’s more of a social thing with friends typically. I staff for anime conventions annually as well, and those events always leave me feeling like I’m not as committed to my love of anime. I feel inferior sometimes to those who cosplay as their favorite characters and I am left wanting to be like them. I guess I just wish that I could get sucked into things as I used to when I was younger. I feel as though I’ve been left to choose diligently on what I want to invest my time in.

I guess I just don’t really care about things and I feel like I should. Maybe I’m just maturing. Maybe this is normal. I have no idea.



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